Sorry I've not updated this blog for a couple weeks :-( I haven't been on the internet as much lately, but I'm doing great! My brother got married 2 weekends ago which left me totally exhausted - but NOT as exhausted as I thought I'd be!! I lasted through the entire day and was out on the dance floor boogeying down! In fact I was one of the last to leave the dance floor. It felt good to get some excercise, even though my knee complained about it for several days. One thing that may be contributing to my new-found energy is I've started taking iodine. I started it a few days before the wedding and noticed an instant improvement! Also, many of my muscle spasms started to fade. I still have a lot in my neck/shoulders but I'm hoping maybe they will go away more with time?? I found a bunch of interesting websites by a Dr. Brownstein.
https://www.drbrownstein.com/bookstore_Iodine.php
http://www.amazon.com/Iodine-need-cant-live-without/dp/B001URN3UG/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1306859024&sr=8-7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cho8yQt3Co8
I realized that I live in one of the most iodine-deficient places ON EARTH! And I know my thyroid tends to be swollen and I'm slightly hypothyroid. So, I went to the health food store and bought some liquid iodine (not iodide which is found in table salt). I took the very smallest dose as I didn't know what it would do to me ;-) 150 mcg under the tongue. I immediately felt very relaxed and sleepy, like my body just wanted to sleep and heal! But I kept taking it and the sleepy feeling went away. Next thing I noticed was certain muscles started relaxing (days 3 or 4). After about a week the pesky "crick" in my back went away. The one thing I noticed was slightly more migraines; but I'm not sure if that is from the extra activity or some bad things I ate. I have a feeling that my body is "detoxing" and so I'll feel a bit worse before I get better. Also, the spasms going away has made me more unstable than usual. I'm going to stick with it and see how much better I feel after ALL the spasms go away! I can't believe how well this stuff has worked for me so far. Obviously my body was low on iodine and I didn't know it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
One day at a time... Sweet Jesus
This is an old gospel song they played incessantly on a commercial when I was a kid. I thought it was hokey at the time. But the other day I was feeling pretty terrible and worried, "How will I survive Chiari, EDS, and a foster kid?" And that song popped up in my mind! ONE DAY AT A TIME. Hey I can do that! Hubby cleaned the kitchen for me while I took a nice relaxing shower and plopped into my recliner for the evening. The next day and a Relpax later, I was feeling 80% better.
I had called the department of child services lady about 4x and was worried she hadn't called me back. Lo and behold! Yesterday she finally did! I was soooo excited but tried to keep calm. I told her about how we were on the other list for over 3 years and nothing happened. She said she'd send us a release form, and then they could get as much info. from the other agency as possible, so we wouldn't have to duplicate! She seemed very positive and upbeat about us getting a child soon. In fact she asked how MANY children we wanted! I told her with my health, I couldn't handle a lot, so she put us down for 2. (Hubby didn't like that part, BTW!) She said we could always change our mind on the number later. Since we are interested in adoption eventually, they will refer us a child whose parental rights are terminated or about to be terminated. She said there is still a small possibility the judge can award rights back to the biological parents but it is small. In that case, we'd be referred another child and start over. I told her after waiting this long we were willing to risk it! So basically I just have to wait for the forms to arrive, fill them out, and see what happens next! ONE DAY AT A TIME!
My tummy is feeling quite a bit better. I tried to eat a large meal last night which didn't get handled the best but - my appetite is definitely back! I can eat chicken and beef again. Still not able to eat beans, tomatoes and peppers though.
I had called the department of child services lady about 4x and was worried she hadn't called me back. Lo and behold! Yesterday she finally did! I was soooo excited but tried to keep calm. I told her about how we were on the other list for over 3 years and nothing happened. She said she'd send us a release form, and then they could get as much info. from the other agency as possible, so we wouldn't have to duplicate! She seemed very positive and upbeat about us getting a child soon. In fact she asked how MANY children we wanted! I told her with my health, I couldn't handle a lot, so she put us down for 2. (Hubby didn't like that part, BTW!) She said we could always change our mind on the number later. Since we are interested in adoption eventually, they will refer us a child whose parental rights are terminated or about to be terminated. She said there is still a small possibility the judge can award rights back to the biological parents but it is small. In that case, we'd be referred another child and start over. I told her after waiting this long we were willing to risk it! So basically I just have to wait for the forms to arrive, fill them out, and see what happens next! ONE DAY AT A TIME!
My tummy is feeling quite a bit better. I tried to eat a large meal last night which didn't get handled the best but - my appetite is definitely back! I can eat chicken and beef again. Still not able to eat beans, tomatoes and peppers though.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Infertility sucks.
Part two of the post below. Just in case you didn't know, infertility sucks big-time. Just when I think I'm over it, something will happen to bring it all back again and I'm sitting there crying my eyes out. This time was when I had to call the 2 adoption agencies and tell them to put our files "on hold." They both said, "Sorry to hear about your health issues. This would be a good solution for you. Let us know if you change your mind - good luck!" Then I sat down and had a good cry.Right now I'm reading a book called Emotional Freedom by Dr. Judith Orloff. I was just reading the sections on dreams. It basically says that dreams are trying to tell you things that still need work and BOY do I have some weird dreams!! I just had another one last night about childbirth. I can't really remember it except I was in a maternity ward. But I've had some really odd ones like, I go into labor but nothing comes out. Or, I give birth and the baby dispapears. OR, the baby turns into some animal like the baby who morphs into a pig in Alice in Wonderland.
Amusing yes but I wake up feeling so sad and depressed. I don't think people who are fertile or don't want kids have any clue how painful this is. Even knowing my solution and being excited about it, I still feel this horrible pain. I'm not sure what to do about it. It doesn't help it that certain family members like to rub it in my face that they are pregnant or that they have more kids than I do. It's not like I CHOSE that "fate" for myself. It just happened. Maybe it happened for a reason. In fact it probably did but I still need to process this nagging pain that won't go away - and how to get rid of the nightmares?? I found this cool blog and the author and comments pretty much describe all the emotions in gory detail http://parentingsquad.com/my-name-is-lori-and-i-am-infertile-surviving-depression-caused-by-infertility I felt so much better when I read this. I've noticed that the emotions are NOT LOGICAL. They're just THERE. I can tell myself a million times how lucky I am for my son, how I can't handle a pregnancy or baby physically, how I don't want to pass my EDS on to another person, yadda yadda yadda. But it is still there - that ongoing pain and mourning.
Soul-searching
I didn't post this 'cause of all the insanity going on last month, but hubby and I have come to a new decision. We decided NOT to update our domestic adoption paperwork and instead investigate adopting through the foster care system.
This was a complete surprise to me; I was about at my wit's end with the other adoption paperwork. It's been 3 1/2 years since we applied to do it and we heard NOTHING from them. We were even on another agency for one year. So on one agency for about 3 years, and another for 1 year. All they could tell us was that we were on the waiting lists but prospective birthmothers were not choosing us.
Finally we got our packet of info. to be updated right around the beginning of April. I was really dreading this because a.) I was not feeling well enough to physically DO it, b.) It is horribly expensive and we were still paying off medical bills and would be getting MORE medical bills, and c.) The emotional stress it causes me to even think about it.
However I dutifully strove to fill out all the little forms and worksheets. I even scheduled our health re-checks (The most expensive part, since insurance covers none of it). Then about 2 days later I had to call and cancel the physicals because hubby told me he had changed his mind, and was open to adopting through foster care! You could've scraped me off the floor with a spatula!! I had tried talking him into this idea just under a year ago! I'd carefully laid out the pros and cons. But he was not interested in it at that time. Somewhere along the way he decided I was right (maybe after my surgeries?!)He could see that physically taking care of an infant would be very difficult for me. At least with an older child, they can climb into the bathtub and bed by themselves, and can dress themselves for the most part. Also the age gap between my son and another child would be lessened.
I was so happy that night, I could barely sleep! It felt like Christmas. Finally he had seen the light :-) My imagination went into overdrive. Would we get a boy? A girl? What would they look like? What personality would they have? What would their name be? How old? Did I need to redecorate the spare bedroom for them, etc.? My mind whirred a millions miles an hour that night. The next day I "came back down to earth" with more practical matters. I called the department of child services lady I'd spoken with last year and got a few SIMPLE and FREE! forms to fill out. Much better than the other forms. Then, I e-mailed a co-worker who has gone through this same process. She gave me some really useful info. #1 tip she said is it's VERY DIFFICULT, emotionally and very tiring. OK, I've come this far and I pretty much knew that. #2 tip she said was to get a child 5 or younger. After age 5, the personality is pretty much locked into place and you can't mold them. This was very important for me because I could then ask them to refer us a child 5 or under. I know it will be a hard road but physically and financially speaking it will be a lot more practical for us.
This was a complete surprise to me; I was about at my wit's end with the other adoption paperwork. It's been 3 1/2 years since we applied to do it and we heard NOTHING from them. We were even on another agency for one year. So on one agency for about 3 years, and another for 1 year. All they could tell us was that we were on the waiting lists but prospective birthmothers were not choosing us.
Finally we got our packet of info. to be updated right around the beginning of April. I was really dreading this because a.) I was not feeling well enough to physically DO it, b.) It is horribly expensive and we were still paying off medical bills and would be getting MORE medical bills, and c.) The emotional stress it causes me to even think about it.
However I dutifully strove to fill out all the little forms and worksheets. I even scheduled our health re-checks (The most expensive part, since insurance covers none of it). Then about 2 days later I had to call and cancel the physicals because hubby told me he had changed his mind, and was open to adopting through foster care! You could've scraped me off the floor with a spatula!! I had tried talking him into this idea just under a year ago! I'd carefully laid out the pros and cons. But he was not interested in it at that time. Somewhere along the way he decided I was right (maybe after my surgeries?!)He could see that physically taking care of an infant would be very difficult for me. At least with an older child, they can climb into the bathtub and bed by themselves, and can dress themselves for the most part. Also the age gap between my son and another child would be lessened.
I was so happy that night, I could barely sleep! It felt like Christmas. Finally he had seen the light :-) My imagination went into overdrive. Would we get a boy? A girl? What would they look like? What personality would they have? What would their name be? How old? Did I need to redecorate the spare bedroom for them, etc.? My mind whirred a millions miles an hour that night. The next day I "came back down to earth" with more practical matters. I called the department of child services lady I'd spoken with last year and got a few SIMPLE and FREE! forms to fill out. Much better than the other forms. Then, I e-mailed a co-worker who has gone through this same process. She gave me some really useful info. #1 tip she said is it's VERY DIFFICULT, emotionally and very tiring. OK, I've come this far and I pretty much knew that. #2 tip she said was to get a child 5 or younger. After age 5, the personality is pretty much locked into place and you can't mold them. This was very important for me because I could then ask them to refer us a child 5 or under. I know it will be a hard road but physically and financially speaking it will be a lot more practical for us.
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